you'll prob all think i'm some kinda completely depressed person :L
which i'm not. i just always come on here when something is bothering me.
Before i start * Secrets - One Republic.
LISTEN to it.
anyways.. yer so the reason i am upset is that guy i was talking about before.
he's always insulting me.. or swearing at me + it's really starting to get to me.
he's the most pathetic looking thing ever + he's stuck up + thinks he's better than everyone else.
he never ever gets in to trouble for it because the teachers think that everyone 'bullies him because he is 'different' haaaaa.
i sound so immature i know, but that's the way it is, and tbh it's unfair.
why should we be treated differently to him ?
i really have tried being nice to him but i really do just give up.
he just has one of those faces you want to punch so hard.
he's just ruined my whole day + made me all angry
+ as a result of that i have now argued with my parents who call me 'out of control'
i know i am though + that's the worst thing ever.
knowing you're f***ed up + there's nothing you can do to change it.
it's just awful.
and then having to hide that depressed side of you to others.. so they don't look at you different.
because people say they won't treat you differently no matter what.
but if someone tells you they're suicidal.. or have some serious medical condition .. you'll never look at them in the same way again. + i don't want that.
i want to appear normal. i want to be normal. i want to cheer up.
i want to not have suicidal thoughts every single time i'm upset.
i've just had such enough.
uckk.. anyways, sorry too deep rightt.
questionn of the post :D.. or whatever i called it last time :L
[ the :L by the way.. if you've never used IM, is a laughing face.. you'll have to get used to it i use it often]
so yer, see now my bf has text me all happy... + i want to be happy with him.. but i just can't.
yer.. question.. if you could be anyone.. who + why ?
i'd be Kate Winslet.. because i think she's just amazing.. although my bf disagrees.
i better go though. Francais Devoirs.
that's the only word i can say in french.. and my exam is in a few weeks.. haa, oh well :D
have a nice evening.
S.
Friday, 26 March 2010
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Hello Wednesday.
Uuuugh.
i hate wednesdays, why can't they turn themselves into fridays.
i'm so depressed all the time too, massive arguement with my mum..
no talking for 5days.. ouch. i know. I just give up with life.. i can't see the point in it anymore.
for all those reading no i'm not going to kill myself so don't send me comments like :O DON'T DO IT.
But what is the point in life ?
what do we actually achieve ?
we live, school ---> work ----> retire ---> die.
only a few ever do something meaningful, like the guy who invented the Internet.
our lives are no more important than ants lives really.
see we were reading this book 'Of Mice + Men' which we've gone over 100x!
+ i dislike the book.. but i can see what the author was getting at.
how insignificant are we ? we died tomorrow the world wouldn't stop turning.
yet we think we're so important, we buy clothes to make us look nice, cars so we look nice, houses that look nice.. to impress others.. when in fact we're all the SAME.
that guy you see on the street + think 'oh, tramp' + scuttle past quickly, he's just as important as you in the grand scheme of things.
yet we don't like to admit this.. we like to have someone less important than ourselves, just to make ourselves feel better, because that's what life is all about.. making ourselves feel better.. whether it's by learning new things to make us feel wiser + be content with our knowledge..
or working to provide money to pay for a new top you like just so someone can compliment it, which makes you feel better.
anyways.. i'm being too deep, back to the surfaceeeee.
http://www.youtube.com/user/RayWilliamJohnson#p/u/1/v8TID0dt23M
WATCH IT.
my boyfriend sent it to me ages ago.. i watched it + was like what the hell ?
but then i watched a few more.. + it became funny.
always cheers me up when i'm in a bad mood, he's a great guy.
but what i especially like is his 'common question of the day'
i want to do one for my blog :D
well maybe not a common question of the day.. common question of the post ?
hahahaa.
i doubt anyone reads my blog anyway, but if you do please comment, i'd love to hear about you.
well anyways 'common question of the post' is:
If you could change anything about human beings what would it be + why ?
Pleaseee answer if you read this [:
well i'm off to do some Biology revision, fun fun fun.
wish me luck.
S.
i hate wednesdays, why can't they turn themselves into fridays.
i'm so depressed all the time too, massive arguement with my mum..
no talking for 5days.. ouch. i know. I just give up with life.. i can't see the point in it anymore.
for all those reading no i'm not going to kill myself so don't send me comments like :O DON'T DO IT.
But what is the point in life ?
what do we actually achieve ?
we live, school ---> work ----> retire ---> die.
only a few ever do something meaningful, like the guy who invented the Internet.
our lives are no more important than ants lives really.
see we were reading this book 'Of Mice + Men' which we've gone over 100x!
+ i dislike the book.. but i can see what the author was getting at.
how insignificant are we ? we died tomorrow the world wouldn't stop turning.
yet we think we're so important, we buy clothes to make us look nice, cars so we look nice, houses that look nice.. to impress others.. when in fact we're all the SAME.
that guy you see on the street + think 'oh, tramp' + scuttle past quickly, he's just as important as you in the grand scheme of things.
yet we don't like to admit this.. we like to have someone less important than ourselves, just to make ourselves feel better, because that's what life is all about.. making ourselves feel better.. whether it's by learning new things to make us feel wiser + be content with our knowledge..
or working to provide money to pay for a new top you like just so someone can compliment it, which makes you feel better.
anyways.. i'm being too deep, back to the surfaceeeee.
http://www.youtube.com/user/RayWilliamJohnson#p/u/1/v8TID0dt23M
WATCH IT.
my boyfriend sent it to me ages ago.. i watched it + was like what the hell ?
but then i watched a few more.. + it became funny.
always cheers me up when i'm in a bad mood, he's a great guy.
but what i especially like is his 'common question of the day'
i want to do one for my blog :D
well maybe not a common question of the day.. common question of the post ?
hahahaa.
i doubt anyone reads my blog anyway, but if you do please comment, i'd love to hear about you.
well anyways 'common question of the post' is:
If you could change anything about human beings what would it be + why ?
Pleaseee answer if you read this [:
well i'm off to do some Biology revision, fun fun fun.
wish me luck.
S.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Living Is For Everyone... not.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
+ all my friends are so excited for me.. so why am i not excited ?
i didn't ask for anything because i have everything i want, which makes me feel old + boring.
things atm are just so unperfect.
i must say however i have the most perfect boyfriend in the world.
he's so caring, even when i'm in one of my 'ggr' moods.. which atm is too often for my liking.
he has his own problems but he always makes time for me, i wish i could do something amazing for him to show him how appreciated he is.
love at 15.. well 16? sounds impossible, but i genuinely believe it is love.
i've had a few boyfriends + none of them have meant as much to me as this guy.
he's so different, there's so much to him, he fascinates me i guess.
don't get me wrong we argue like mad.
but at the end of the day i wouldn't change anything.
...i wish i could explain to him why i'm like i am.. but it's something i've never shared with anyone. everyone thinks i'm just a normal happy person, i smile all the time to hide my frown. * [go to bottom]
+ i hate doing this. but idk i guess i'm worried people would look at me different.
anyways back to the surface me.
today was an okay day.
apart from French. [it's a subject i took that i regret so much.]
anyway there's this guy in my class.. who doesn't get on with anyone + i've tried to be nice + talk to him.. but i can see why no one likes him + why he is left on his own.
he's the most stuck up person ever, he doesn't listen to anyones views apart from his own!
he calls us all 'bratty racists' even people of different cultures he calls racist.. about their own cultures.. i know right.
so i stay clear.. but we were sitting in french today, it's a class of 7 people + the teacher Mme.Blah [made up name just in case you didn't guess.]
i was like Mme. I'm stuck.
he goes 'just because you're confused doesn't mean you have to tell the world!'
what his problem is i just don't know.
uck anyways, games tomorrow :[
i have to say there is nothing i hate more than games/ gym/ whatever.
'boxercise' - google it.
it's over an hour of pain,
putting on used sweaty boxing gloves
+ wondering how unfit you look.
what a way to spend my birthday. oh well.
i need to ssh now, because i have a lot of Biology + History homework waiting for me.
joy.
Goodnight, S.
___________________________________________________
[mini rant] * so those people who hate 'emo's + find young people who are depressed/ suicidal, 'weird' you don't know so don't pass comment. they're prob feeling more pain than you can imagine.
'it can't be that bad?' oh yes it can. 'but their life is amazing' maybe it's not.
unless you live their life.. how can you judge?
i guess i'm a classic case of this.
i have a 'perfect' life: nice house, nice cars, caring parents, an okayish sister, etc.
yet i'm just not happy because the problem isn't the people or things in my life.. but myself.
it's something that bothers me so much, because i can't change who i am + i'm stuck with myself, i hate the person i am, the person i am just never seems like me.
must listen to: the way she feels - between the trees.
[yes i know it's about self harm, listen to it.]
+ all my friends are so excited for me.. so why am i not excited ?
i didn't ask for anything because i have everything i want, which makes me feel old + boring.
things atm are just so unperfect.
i must say however i have the most perfect boyfriend in the world.
he's so caring, even when i'm in one of my 'ggr' moods.. which atm is too often for my liking.
he has his own problems but he always makes time for me, i wish i could do something amazing for him to show him how appreciated he is.
love at 15.. well 16? sounds impossible, but i genuinely believe it is love.
i've had a few boyfriends + none of them have meant as much to me as this guy.
he's so different, there's so much to him, he fascinates me i guess.
don't get me wrong we argue like mad.
but at the end of the day i wouldn't change anything.
...i wish i could explain to him why i'm like i am.. but it's something i've never shared with anyone. everyone thinks i'm just a normal happy person, i smile all the time to hide my frown. * [go to bottom]
+ i hate doing this. but idk i guess i'm worried people would look at me different.
anyways back to the surface me.
today was an okay day.
apart from French. [it's a subject i took that i regret so much.]
anyway there's this guy in my class.. who doesn't get on with anyone + i've tried to be nice + talk to him.. but i can see why no one likes him + why he is left on his own.
he's the most stuck up person ever, he doesn't listen to anyones views apart from his own!
he calls us all 'bratty racists' even people of different cultures he calls racist.. about their own cultures.. i know right.
so i stay clear.. but we were sitting in french today, it's a class of 7 people + the teacher Mme.Blah [made up name just in case you didn't guess.]
i was like Mme. I'm stuck.
he goes 'just because you're confused doesn't mean you have to tell the world!'
what his problem is i just don't know.
uck anyways, games tomorrow :[
i have to say there is nothing i hate more than games/ gym/ whatever.
'boxercise' - google it.
it's over an hour of pain,
putting on used sweaty boxing gloves
+ wondering how unfit you look.
what a way to spend my birthday. oh well.
i need to ssh now, because i have a lot of Biology + History homework waiting for me.
joy.
Goodnight, S.
___________________________________________________
[mini rant] * so those people who hate 'emo's + find young people who are depressed/ suicidal, 'weird' you don't know so don't pass comment. they're prob feeling more pain than you can imagine.
'it can't be that bad?' oh yes it can. 'but their life is amazing' maybe it's not.
unless you live their life.. how can you judge?
i guess i'm a classic case of this.
i have a 'perfect' life: nice house, nice cars, caring parents, an okayish sister, etc.
yet i'm just not happy because the problem isn't the people or things in my life.. but myself.
it's something that bothers me so much, because i can't change who i am + i'm stuck with myself, i hate the person i am, the person i am just never seems like me.
must listen to: the way she feels - between the trees.
[yes i know it's about self harm, listen to it.]
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