Living Is For Everyone... not.

It's my birthday tomorrow.
+ all my friends are so excited for me.. so why am i not excited ?
i didn't ask for anything because i have everything i want, which makes me feel old + boring.

things atm are just so unperfect.
i must say however i have the most perfect boyfriend in the world.
he's so caring, even when i'm in one of my 'ggr' moods.. which atm is too often for my liking.
he has his own problems but he always makes time for me, i wish i could do something amazing for him to show him how appreciated he is.

love at 15.. well 16? sounds impossible, but i genuinely believe it is love.
i've had a few boyfriends + none of them have meant as much to me as this guy.
he's so different, there's so much to him, he fascinates me i guess.
don't get me wrong we argue like mad.
but at the end of the day i wouldn't change anything.


...i wish i could explain to him why i'm like i am.. but it's something i've never shared with anyone. everyone thinks i'm just a normal happy person, i smile all the time to hide my frown. * [go to bottom]
+ i hate doing this. but idk i guess i'm worried people would look at me different.


anyways back to the surface me.
today was an okay day.
apart from French. [it's a subject i took that i regret so much.]

anyway there's this guy in my class.. who doesn't get on with anyone + i've tried to be nice + talk to him.. but i can see why no one likes him + why he is left on his own.
he's the most stuck up person ever, he doesn't listen to anyones views apart from his own!
he calls us all 'bratty racists' even people of different cultures he calls racist.. about their own cultures.. i know right.
so i stay clear.. but we were sitting in french today, it's a class of 7 people + the teacher Mme.Blah [made up name just in case you didn't guess.]
i was like Mme. I'm stuck.
he goes 'just because you're confused doesn't mean you have to tell the world!'
what his problem is i just don't know.



uck anyways, games tomorrow :[
i have to say there is nothing i hate more than games/ gym/ whatever.
'boxercise' - google it.
it's over an hour of pain,
putting on used sweaty boxing gloves
+ wondering how unfit you look.


what a way to spend my birthday. oh well.

i need to ssh now, because i have a lot of Biology + History homework waiting for me.
joy.


Goodnight, S.

___________________________________________________
[mini rant] * so those people who hate 'emo's + find young people who are depressed/ suicidal, 'weird' you don't know so don't pass comment. they're prob feeling more pain than you can imagine.
'it can't be that bad?' oh yes it can. 'but their life is amazing' maybe it's not.
unless you live their life.. how can you judge?
i guess i'm a classic case of this.
i have a 'perfect' life: nice house, nice cars, caring parents, an okayish sister, etc.
yet i'm just not happy because the problem isn't the people or things in my life.. but myself.
it's something that bothers me so much, because i can't change who i am + i'm stuck with myself, i hate the person i am, the person i am just never seems like me.


must listen to: the way she feels - between the trees.
[yes i know it's about self harm, listen to it.]